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Privacy policy

5/15/2013 12:00:00 AM

Trust is key in respecting your teenager’s privacy, but it’s not always easy for parents to release the reins and have faith in their children’s judgement or decisions.

When children reach their teens, they start needing to find their own way in the world, test their independence and forge their own identity. And a big part of this is a newfound need for their own personal space and privacy. A child of six or seven won’t mind sharing a bedroom with siblings, but once they reach adolescence all that changes.

Giving them space and privacy under your roof will cement the foundations of trust between you. Yes, you can go into their room to check whether they’ve left any dirty plates under the bed – it is your house, after all – but the journal that’s staring you in the face is not begging to be read! And their phone records are their own business.

The tightrope walk
It’s a bit of a tightrope walk, because much as you feel the need to know what’s going on in your teenager’s life, they have an intense need for privacy and are hugely sensitive to anything they perceive to be spying, prying, digging or doubting. The danger of not giving them privacy and respecting their feelings and their boundaries, is that they might become secretive or even dishonest as a way of protecting themselves against your ‘intrusion’ or ‘interference’.

Mixed in with their sudden need for ‘me’ space is the equally pressing need to be taken seriously and treated with respect. No longer a child whose biggest concern is the next video or soccer game, a teenager needs to know that people value their views and opinions, that they have a meaningful contribution to make to the world and they can be trusted with responsibility. So you can see how prying into their private correspondence or going through their drawers presses all the wrong buttons.

Red alert
Sometimes it’s necessary to intervene, if you can see that your teenager is making bad choices or losing their way. Given their sensitivity to criticism, this can go badly if you take a heavy-handed approach or use threats or bribery. The key is to help them see your point of view by appealing to their better judgement and presenting them with practical alternatives to undesirable behaviour. Open and honest communication is vital, and can mean the difference between brief experimentation with cigarettes, and drug addiction. If the situation has already got out of hand, you need to seek professional help without making your teenager feel accused, blamed or disrespected.

Sibulele Phumeza Shosha

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My music my style

5/15/2013 12:00:00 AM

Zakes Bantwini is well known for his sharp suits and soulful tunes. He got casual with us in a quiet moment.

If you trawl through Zakes Bantwini’s Twitter page to get an idea of who he is and what his fans think of him, you’ll see he has more than 65 000 followers. His timeline is bursting with compliments from fans, one of which contains a marriage proposal! Most of his responses are polite smiley faces or expressions of gratitude, coupled with Retweets. His humility is refreshing, considering how big he’s become on the South African music scene in such a short time.

R. Kelly inspired him
Zakes remembers the moment he knew he wanted to be a musician. “I used to do a lot of theatre productions,” he says, “but after a while I got a bit bored.” It was an R. Kelly music video that spurred his determination to make music his life. “Watching R. Kelly’s video for ‘You Remind Me of Something’, was a turning point for me,” he says, “because I wanted that life, and I knew that in order to live that life I had to be a musician!”

But seriously...
Zakes plays the bass guitar and the piano, and has very strong feelings about the music industry and clearing the perception that South African artists are not serious about music, are bad with money and just want to party. He plans to change that by being the very best that he can be. “The fame and attention,” he says, “are an added bonus and I’m always grateful to the fans, but this is a career I take very seriously because I have nothing to fall back on. I studied music and music is my bread and butter.”

Thanks, Dad!
He speaks of his relationship with his own father with great pride. “My father and I have a very good relationship,” he smiles, “and I appreciate all the sacrifices he’s made for us. There are many people who grow up lacking so much as a simple acknowledgement from their fathers, so I feel very blessed to have him in my life,’ he says.

The world is their oyster
Zakes is very private about his family life, but says he strives to create an environment in which his children can be whoever they wish to be. “I want my kids to know that the only limits that exist for their potential and growth are those they have set for themselves,” he says.

Luyanda Sibisi

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Man manual

5/15/2013 12:00:00 AM

First impressions last, and you only have one chance to get a first date off to a good start. Impress her with these grooming essentials.

Game Plan 1: Eye contact
Look bright-eyed and interested in her. If you’ve had a few late nights, a lack of water or too much time in front of a computer or TV, your eyes might look anything but bright. Combat red, puffy or tired eyes with soothing eye drops just before heading out. Another eye-saving quickie is to wrap an ice block in a cloth and hold it over each eye for a few seconds – or cut slices of cucumber and lie back with them over your eyes for a few minutes.

Game Plan 2: Scrub up
Regular shaving can leave you with hard, rough skin that’s prone to ingrown hairs and breakouts. A simple solution is to exfoliate before shaving. You don’t need fancy products – a mix of sugar with your face wash should do the trick.

Game Plan 3: Close shave
A good shave can make the world of difference to your look. Avoid razor burn and irritation by holding a warm, wet towel over your face for a few minutes before shaving, to soften the bristles and make shaving easier. Always wet your face before applying shaving products, and use a rich, creamy shaving cream rather than a foamy one, to moisturise your skin and give you a smoother finish.

Game Plan 4: Clean sweep
Basic skincare is important, guys. You don’t need a high-maintenance or expensive regimen – just look for a cleanser and moisturiser to match your skin type, and use them regularly for the best results.

Game Plan 5: Hair’s the deal!
No matter what your hairstyle, be sure to keep it clean. Daily use of styling products such as gel and mousse can dry out your hair, leaving it dull and prone to dandruff. If you use styling products regularly, make sure to also use a clarifying shampoo at least once every two weeks, to get rid of product build-up and give you a squeaky-clean head of hair.

Game Plan 6: Scent of a man…
Women are said to have a more sensitive sense of smell than men. Use this to your advantage! Don’t drench yourself in your favourite scent – just spritz small amounts onto major pulse points like the insides of your wrists and elbows, and behind your ears. Look for an unscented antiperspirant, to avoid clashing scents.

Game Plan 7: Dress to impress
Now that you’re groomed to perfection, dress the part. Find an outfit appropriate to the occasion. A fancy restaurant calls for a semi-formal look, while an evening at the movies means more casual attire.

Deevya Vasson

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Find your inner hero

5/15/2013 12:00:00 AM

In order to be remembered after we die, our lives must have meaning for others and make a difference in the world.

What is your legacy? It’s what you leave behind when you pass on; what you will be remembered for. I’d like to assume that we all want to be remembered after we die. In which case, your life must mean something; you will have to do something useful, purposeful and helpful with your life. It requires a level of selflessness and giving.

Making the world a better place
I want to help those I come into contact with to discover their own brilliance, and to use it to make the world a better place. I want to provide the spark that ignites every individual’s potential, so they can live effective, productive and legacy-producing lives. That's my purpose, that's what I live for. My legacy will be having ignited people’s ability to live legacy-creating lives. So, I ask you: What is your legacy?

To leave a legacy, you’ll need to:

First, understand and believe that you have something to offer to humanity and the world.
Know that you are a unique human being with unique talents and gifts.
Know that there is something in this world that you, and only you, can do better than anyone else.
Harness your unique talents and gifts in ways that serve the world.
Desire to be the difference.
Become a creator of something in your lifetime, not just a consumer.

This might seem complex and daunting, but all that's needed to create a legacy is selflessness – a decision to make a difference now, with what you know, rather than some time in the future. Ask yourself the question, “Is what I'm doing making a difference to others?” As you think of others your own circumstances change. You become less focused on what you don't have and more on how you can help make life easier and better for someone else.

Find your inner hero
In each one of us is a hero. Mariah Carey wrote a song, ‘Hero’. I love that song and use it in most of my talks. Leaving a legacy is about finding the hero within you. Finding the heroic self. Most of us these days have television heroes like Spider-Man or Superman. When I was growing up in the village, our heroes where animals in the stories our grandparents told us. So in your daily living, and as you make decisions, ask yourself; what would my hero do? Then do it, and in doing so you will find your most heroic self. That way you create a legacy.

What legacy will you leave?
Remember: Those who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, do!

Max Moyo

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Blushing beauty

5/15/2013 12:00:00 AM

A touch of blush can make your look! We give you the low-down on rocking rosy cheeks.

1. Find your hue
If you have light skin, look at the colour of your checks after exercising, and copy that natural flush of colour to brighten up your look. Yellow and olive undertones are enhanced with corals, coppers and deep peachy shades. Bright plums, oranges, deep auburns and burnt reds look great on dark skins.

2. Know your type
Powder-based blusher works best with problematic and oily skin types, while normal to dry skin types get an extra glow from a cream-based blush.

3. Make it pop
Apply your blusher to the hollows of your cheeks and work up towards the temples. Finish off by blending and stroking downwards along the hairline for a softer look. The most colour should be on the apples of your cheeks – the parts that pop out when you smile.

4. Time for tricks
Cheat your way to high cheekbones – use a matte bronzer with your blush. Suck in your cheeks and blend the bronzer along the hollows to the tops of your ears. Next, use a bright blush on the apples of your cheeks to make them pop.

Make-up artist Amy Olden shares her insider tricks to blushing like a pro.

DO measure. To know where your blush should start, measure two fingers away from your nose.
DO use a blush brush. It makes blending seamless and gives you a flawless finish with powder blushers.
DO tap off excess blusher before applying to your skin. You can always add more to build up colour.
DO clean your blush brush with a gentle cleanser and wash hands before touching your face.
DON’T overdo it. Too much blusher will make you look like a cartoon character!

Deevya Vasson

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The power of prayer

4/15/2013 12:00:00 AM

Prayer is a very powerful tool and agent for positive change in our lives, no matter what our religious beliefs.

How many times have you heard someone say, “Please pray that I get the job”, or “I’m praying it doesn’t rain on Saturday”, or “I’ll pray for her speedy recovery”…? Often prayers take the form of entreaties, of requests for good luck, good health, wealth or success.

We also pray to give thanks and show gratitude. Although we might pray for different reasons, and to different Gods, prayer across all religions and denominations has one thing in common – it’s a form of communicating with the being who we perceive to be our God, the creator of everything in the universe, the supreme power, the origin and essence of all energy and life.

Why do we pray?

Most people pray because they believe, in their hearts and souls, in their God, and that since God is the creator of everything in the universe, He is all-knowing and all-seeing, so it makes sense that He can hear our prayers. There have been many recorded cases of people who have been in dire, near-death situations, who have prayed for help and who have survived against all odds. Similarly, there are cases of people who have recovered from terminal illnesses after other people have prayed together for them. There is enormous power in collective thought and energy, especially when driven by genuine belief. Some people think it’s just a case of positive thought having positive results, but either way it’s certainly true that the humility, gratitude and devotion with which people pray are in themselves forces for good in life. And the constant cycle of praying with a request, and then offering thanks, builds up a powerful sense of communion and communication with one’s God.

Nonzwakazi Cekete

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Know where you want to go

4/15/2013 12:00:00 AM

Belief in yourself and faith in your ability to achieve your dreams are keys to a happy, useful and fulfilling life.

Are you going where you want to go? That’s a very important question. It implies that you know where you want to go. More than 70% of emails, text messages and phone calls I get are from people who do not know where they want to go. All they know is that they are dissatisfied with their lives and they want a better life. They want something better, yet they cannot define what that something better is.

Alice and the Cat

It reminds me of the famous Alice in Wonderland story by Lewis Carroll. In the story, Alice gets to a fork in the road and she can’t figure out which way to go. So she asks the Cheshire Cat. Here’s their conversation:

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where,” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.

Very wise words indeed. What the cat was saying is so true. If you don’t know where you want to go or get to, then it does not matter which road you take. Put another way, if you don’t know what you want to achieve, then any decision is a good decision. Many of us find ourselves between a rock and a hard place, because of decisions we made in the past. At the time we made the decisions, we had no goal in mind. We had no destination. So we live and let live. But remember that your life today is a result of the decisions you made yesterday.

Follow your passions

If you are young and are still making decisions around what career to pursue, you are in a very fortunate position. Take your time to think, to research, to understand what it is you want to do with your life, based on what interests you, what you feel passionately about and enjoy doing. Then make study choices in line with where you want to go.

If you made all the wrong choices and find yourself on a road going nowhere slowly, all is not lost. American author and philosopher Henry David Thoreau said, “Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” You can always start again; it’s never too late to make the right choices and live the life you deserve. It’s never too late to make a difference!

Max Moyo

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What’s happening to me?

4/15/2013 12:00:00 AM

Puberty is something all teenagers experience, but it can be confusing and upsetting. Here you can learn more about the changes your body is going through.

When puberty kicks in, (when our bodies start making the change from childhood to adulthood) we are often not sure whether to celebrate our coming of age or to be embarrassed by the changes our bodies go through. These are some of the things you could experience, whether you’re a girl or a boy.

Hair

You’ll notice that your hair will start to get greasier. This is because of an increase in the amount of sebum and keratin your body is producing. Sebum is important oil that serves to nourish your hair and skin, to prevent them from drying out. Keratin is used to make hair.
The best way to control greasiness is to avoid the temptation to wash your hair too often.
With certain types of hair, over-washing will cause more greasiness, so wash only when you need to. Also avoid over-use of gels and sprays.

What’s that smell?

Apocrine glands are found all over the body, but mostly they hide out in your underarms and around your genitals. These glands are in charge of releasing sweat. They become a lot more active during puberty, and because of the bacteria on the skin you might notice a bad smell. Washing thoroughly at least once a day, and using roll-on or spray deodorant every day will keep the bacteria at bay.

Spots galore

The skin is a complex organ with lots of components. Sebaceous glands are found in the pores of the skin. They are responsible for producing sebum. The spotty problem kicks in when the increase in hormonal activity caused by puberty makes production of sebum go into overdrive, causing blockages and inflammation that presents itself as a pimple. Most breakouts of pimples calm down with the right facial care – and the right diet – but if you have a problem with acne and it begins to affect your confidence, see a dermatologist.

To reduce your risk of developing acne, avoid coffee, tea and caffeinated soft drinks, as well as processed foods and those with lots of additives, preservatives and colourants. Eat as much fresh fruit and vegetables as you can, and drink lots of water every day.

Luyanda Sibisi

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I’m a Belieber!

4/15/2013 12:00:00 AM

He’s performing in Cape Town on 8 May and Joburg on 12 May – Justin Bieber is here!

The 19-year-old might be the most recognisable, most famous teenager in the world, and a slick one to boot (slick music, slick image, slick hair, slick eye-brows), but he’s still a teenager. Occasionally during our interview Bieber is all tongue-tied, repetitive and waffly. Even eight million album sales and a total of 2.7 billion combined YouTube views can’t help you with that. Even appearing on a recent cover of Forbes business magazine – he’s earned some $108 million (R986 million) in the past two years alone, according to that respected publication –won’t mature you faster than nature intended.

Justin B vs Justin T

Bieber has wriggled away from that comparison. Perhaps he’s keen to be seen to be forging his own, singular musical path; maybe he doesn’t want to be bracketed alongside another one-time teen sensation – or along-side someone else called Justin…

Haters & doubters

Even with probably the most adored pop star in the world, there are naysayers. He’s tweeted more than once about wanting to prove the haters and the doubters wrong. “I wanted to make music that I felt everybody could listen to, and wasn’t only geared to younger people,” he says. “I wanted to make music that was just good, and people couldn’t help but, like, bob their head to it, or stomp their feet to it.”

What the haters hate

“I think they hate the idea of me. They hate the fact that I am successful at a young age and that I am doing what a lot of people wish they could be doing. There are people who just hate for those reasons. And they might not even have heard any of my music.”

What the doubters doubt

“The doubters...” he muses. “I think they just doubt that there’s any sort of talent that comes with me. Because they feel I was a product and put together and then [presented], like, “Here you go”. But it’s not that – I’ve been making music ever since I can remember. This isn’t just a marketing scheme. I’m the real deal and I hope to just show that in what I do.”

The next 10 years…

So what does Justin Bieber’s future hold? What lies beyond his teen years? The first (North American) leg of the Believe world tour sold out in 60 minutes, and tickets for his South African shows also sold out in an hour.

Black Eyed Peas singer and The Voice judge Will.i.am, who recorded with the youngster during sessions for his new album Believe, has been pondering this too. ‘He’s 19 now – so in 10 years he’s 29. You know what could happen in 10 years? In 10 years he could be forgotten. Or in 10 years Justin could be, like, legendary.’

Story: Craig Mclean/Independent on Sunday/The Interview People

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Queen B

4/15/2013 12:00:00 AM

Celebrated radio and TV star, model, style icon and the newest face on Top Billing, the world is Bonang Matheba's oyster.

I was born to… be a presenter. You can wake me up in the middle of the night and I’ll be able to recite a link for any of my shows.

People don’t know that... I actually auditioned for Top Billing nearly two years ago, but the producers felt I was too young. From the age of 20, I set my sights on becoming a Top Billing presenter. I cried for an hour when I was told that I’d landed my dream job!

The best part of my job is… travelling and exploring the world – and working with Bassie and Patience. [Basetsana Kumalo is Tswelopele Productions’ Chairperson, and Patience Stevens its Managing Director.]

My secret weapon is… to stay current and in touch with what’s on people’s radar. I also bring my unique personality – people gravitate towards what they can’t find anywhere else.

Presenting takes… a little talent, plenty of fine tuning – and mentors like Bassie and Patience!

I believe in… Paying it forward. I’m involved in an anti-bullying campaign and an outreach project to help young girls with puberty issues and life skills.

I will never stop dreaming… I’d like to work with Ryan Seacrest, and manage a successful production
company.

My favourite memories include… eating a bowl of mabele (sorghum meal) – my best childhood dish. It reminds me of my late grandmother, whom I love so much.

Stephanie Jacobs

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Cut to the chase

3/18/2013 12:00:00 AM

We booked a cut at Yogi’s barber shop in Cape Town to get some tips on hair styling for men.

Besides the sense of community you’ll find at your barber shop, a visit every four to six weeks will keep your hair healthy and in check. “Every man’s style and cut is unique,” says Yogi, “so if you’re all about spikes, I’d need to see you every three weeks. If you’re growing your fringe out, while wanting to keep the sides and back neat, pop in at six-weekly intervals. The more often you cut, the healthier your hair, especially if you use waxes and gels, which tend to make hair brittle. Regular trimming can prevent that.”

Some like it hot

It seems flatirons have become something of a favourite among men wanting a sleek look. But Yogi cautions against overdoing it. “Heat on hair is never good,” he says. “Hair tips don’t react well to all things hot, so tread lightly and condition accordingly.”

A numbers game

If you are losing it, hair-wise, never fear. “Try to make your balding area less noticeable by popping in to your barber for three or four gradual cuts to where you’d like your hair to be,” Yogi suggests. “It’s also important to know your clipper numbers. Number one is the closest cut, and number four the lightest. If your barber cuts too short, it’s a six to eight-week recovery to where you were before you started, so best you communicate clearly!” Asking questions is not a crime; it’s your head on the block after all. “A good barber will always talk you through your options,” says Yogi.

Maintenance

“Shampoo according to your hair type,” Yogi advises. “Hair textures are unique, so try out different products until you find those that suit you.”

Vic Foy

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Bling it on

3/18/2013 12:00:00 AM

Or not, as the case may be… Our Fashion Ed shares some tips on how to create a balanced look with this season’s latest accessories.

What’s on-trend now?

It’s obvious that clothes make up most of your outfit, but accessories should be just as important in the overall look.

As winter approaches, the trend is for colour palettes to get deeper, textures to get richer and detailing more elaborate.

12 tips on how to ‘bling it’

1. Instead of buying a whole new wardrobe, use this season’s accessories to bring an old or boring outfit up to date.

2. Decide on the look you’re going for. Before you add the first piece, make a conscious choice between delicate or statement, and playful or chic and sophisticated.

3. Don’t overdo it. It is trendy to layer, but not to Arctic proportions!

4. Get the occasion right. Big, sparkly drop earrings at an interview might not make the right impression.

5. Work with your outfit. You don’t have to match your shoes to your top, but keeping things within the same colour theme creates harmony.

6. Invest in some key pieces suitable for most occasions, like a chunky gold bangle or a statement watch.

7. Accessories make it easy to convert an outfit from day to night, or from casual to formal. Trade a large shopper, flats and chunky, bright bling for a clutch bag, heels and some sparkly gold or understated silver.

8. Belts are a basic must this season. A feminine silhouette is in, so accentuate your waist with
a skinny belt. Play with different textures and embellishments, depending on your outfit.

9. Pick a hat to suit your face. Balance a round face by choosing a hat with a high crown and a brim, like a fedora. Bowler hats, on the other hand, suit long faces.

10. Let your accessories draw the eye to a focal point, as in a softly draped scarf to your chest, or a cocktail ring to your hands.

11. Matchy-matchy is not the name of the game! You don’t have to match belt and shoes, but go for similar shades and textures.

12. Practical items like glasses and watches are also accessories. Make the most of these simple yet classy pieces.

The look is achieved when everything works in harmony. A focal point is great – but you’re not a Christmas tree, so no need for tinsel or a star on top!

Vicky van Rensburg

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A family affair

3/18/2013 12:00:00 AM

Sporting talent doesn’t always run in the family and trying to follow in the footsteps of a successful parent or sibling often ends in tears. But there are exceptions…

Scrumming together

SA rugby’s Ndungane twins, who are almost impossible to tell apart unless you look really closely, are two of the game’s fastest stars and play on the wing for the Bulls (Akona) and the Sharks (Odwa). The Sharks also boast two of rugby’s most dangerous figures: unstoppable hooker Bismarck du Plessis and his elder brother, Jannie, a brutally strong tighthead prop who is also a qualified doctor. There are many father-and-son combinations in Springbok history: giant lock forward Andries Bekker wears the jersey his father, Hennie, once wore, and blonde flanker Schalk Burger has picked up where his father – also Schalk – left off. And it might not end there. Schalk Junior has just had his first son. The name of the new addition? What else but Schalk…

Pitching in together

Former Australian cricketer Steve Waugh was originally regarded as a lesser talent than twin brother Mark, and was once dropped from the national team when Mark was chosen to replace him. But Steve went on to captain his country’s side and play 168 Tests, whereas Mark managed 128 Tests as an elegant batsman. In South Africa, fast bowler Morné and big-hitting all-rounder Albie combine as the super talented Morkel brothers, and for all-out family sporting success, look no further than the Pollocks: former South African captain Shaun, his fast-bowling father, Peter, and his uncle, Graeme, who is regarded as one of the greatest batsmen the world has ever seen.

Serving siblings

If John McEnroe (with 71 career titles, including seven Grand Slam victories) and brother Patrick (with a more modest one singles title) represent siblings with contrasting levels of tennis success, the Williams sisters are the definition of combined glory. Venus has seven Grand Slam wins to her name, while Serena has a whopping 15! The two remain the closest of friends, despite regularly being each other’s greatest rival: of the 23 professional games the two have played, Serena edges out her older sister with 13 wins to 10.

Dan Nicholl

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A dream come true

3/18/2013 12:00:00 AM

We all have dreams. Dreams of what we can, should, will be. We have lived the dream in our heads. We imagined ourselves being successful.

Then we grow older and we find ourselves living one life and dreaming of another. It’s always someone else who’s living the life we should be living. Someone else gets the car you should be driving and the job you should be doing and the business you should own. You dream it but someone else lives it. You were in school together, but now it seems your life is stationery while your former classmates live it up. Somehow, you have been left behind. But can dreams come true? Yes they can. Can you make your dreams come true? Yes you can! Someone once said, “If you can conceive (dream) it, and believe it, you can achieve it.” The challenge is that most of us only dream it but fail to believe it. You cannot achieve what you don’t believe. If you believe you cannot, then you cannot. The most common question I get asked by readers of my column is: “How can I fulfil or achieve my dreams?” Well, here is my answer:

1. You must have dreams. A lot of people have no dreams at all; they just go with the flow. They have no plan, no aim and no destination. They are going nowhere slowly. Take time to dream, to imagine, to desire. Know what you want and commit to doing it.
2. It’s all about the power of belief, and acting on it. If you have a dream but you don’t believe you can achieve it, you have already failed.

3. Educate yourself on the requirements for achieving your dream. Most people skip this part. They assume that things will just flow. Preparation is key to success in any venture.

4. Prepare a business, life or career plan. It’s easy to plan when you are informed. Most people battle at the planning stage because they skip step 3. You need to be knowledgeable and informed about your subject matter to prepare a detailed plan.

5. Set yourself goals. Goals chunk your dream into small progressive steps. Each day you must work the plan. In other words, just do it. Focused action produces results. Review each step and adjust as you learn and grow. There is no such thing as failing. Just learning experiences.

6. Finally, have the mindset to visualise, strategise, focus, and achieve. You have to keep the end in mind. Great things take time. Do not be sidetracked. See your dreams coming true.

Max Moyo

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Cherrie on top

3/18/2013 12:00:00 AM

With Family Day on 1 April, we asked actress and TV presenter-turned businesswoman Nkhensani Nkosi for her secret to balancing work and family life.

Strong bonds

Nkhensani met her husband, former presenter and now businessman Zam Nkosi, 17 years ago through a mutual friend, actress Moshidi Motshegwa. Successful marriages are rare in celebville, but the Nkosis have been together for more than a decade, and are parents to Mahle (16), Zenzo (11), Singita (7) and Kwanda (6). Nkhensani’s face glows as she recalls how her children always tell her that she’s the best or that she’ll do well, when they know that she’s nervous about an upcoming talk or presentation. “My children are the funniest,” she laughs. “They love pretending that they’re therapists in a spa – and they give the best foot massages!”

One happy family

Coming from such a supportive background, it’s not surprising that Nkhensani is a hands-on mom who doesn’t outsource her motherly responsibilities to nannies. “I enjoy waking up and cooking for my children,” she says. “My husband and I take turns fetching them from school.” Their home, her studio and the children’s school are all close to one another, which is a blessing. “I use the little time that I spend with them in the car to find out how their day was and what they learnt,” she says. She and Zam are very particular about raising their children, but try not to be too prescriptive about it. “We’d like our children to be sensitive, empathetic human beings who know how to take care of themselves,” she says. “We monitor the kind of media that they consume closely. We’ve also promised ourselves not to buckle under any kind of pressure from other parents or children.”

The juggling act

Every career woman with a family knows how difficult it is to find that elusive work-family balance. Nkhensani seems to have found a solution that works for her. “It’s important to constantly develop my spiritual side by meditating, regulating my thoughts and reading. Once I’ve sorted out my inner me, then it’s easier to be available for the children, my husband and work,” she says.

Nkhensani’s life story should be an inspiration to every woman making strides in business while also making time for family. She makes it all seem so easy…

Kemong Mopedi

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Check out the behind-the-scenes cover shoot with Nkhensani Nkosi

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Young and wild and free

1/31/2013 12:00:00 AM

Idols SA and The Wild fans will know Gail Nkoane. Now that The Wild is coming to an end in March, we got behind the scenes with this talented artist to ask what’s next.

What was your first taste of the limelight?

Entering Miss Tinkerbell when I was five years old! My parents found an entry form at a store. I used to entertain them and their friends. My parents were always very proud to call us from the bedroom and we’d come out and sing and recite poems for their friends. So I guess they always saw our potential to entertain.

How did you get your role in The Wild?

I really do believe that God had a plan that was bigger than I could imagine. When I got voted off Idols, I didn’t understand why – I’d worked so hard. But God was busy pulling bigger strings in the background. After Idols I received a call from M-Net executives who had been watching the show – they called me in for an audition, and I got the role of Lelo Sedibe a week after I got voted off Idols!

What are your plans, now that The Wild has come to an end?

I’ve been presented with a couple of acting opportunities, and there are also music and business opportunities. I’m a perfectionist and like to focus on one thing at a time, so I’m taking the time to plan my next step carefully.

Your proudest achievement?

I didn’t have drama or vocal training, but I was able to achieve great things in those industries, and I’m proud of myself for having had the courage to enter Idols! It’s easy to give up when negative things happen, to stop dreaming and stop trying to achieve. I’m proud of my strength since 2006, and that I could get up and believe I still had something to offer the world.

Tell our readers something they don’t know about you?

I collect stationery! I enjoy pens and pencils and cute things. I’m also big on dish washing! I love the transition from a dirty kitchen to a clean one – I find it very therapeutic! I love cleaning in general, but the kitchen is my favourite place. I also love to cook. I’m a very old-fashioned cook. My dad’s a great cook and when I’m home he loves to cook my favourite meals like tripe and dumplings – we call in diretlo. It’s not really good for me because I have to keep in shape and soul food is not really the kind of food that keeps you in shape – but my friends are always asking me when I’m going to be cooking lunch for them again!

Linda Mali

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Check out the behind-the-scenes cover shoot with Gail Nkaone

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Super 15 fever

1/31/2013 12:00:00 AM

Can Eastern Cape rugby rise to the Super 15 challenge and make the province proud?

The Eastern Cape’s rugby fortunes have looked pretty bleak since the sport went professional in the region in the mid-1990s.

Hopefully that will change when the Southern Kings (made up of the Port Elizabeth-based Eastern Province Kings, the East London Border Bulldogs and the South Western District Eagles from George), take part in the Southern Hemisphere’s Super 15 competition. The home ground for the Southern Kings will be the Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium in Port Elizabeth.

Stiff competition

The Southern Kings will face not only formidable South African competition like the Stormers, Sharks, Bulls and Cheetahs but also teams from New Zealand and Australia, like the Crusaders, the current Super 15 title holders the Chiefs and the Reds from Queensland, to name a few.

The Kings have at last claimed a place in the tournament, at the cost of Johannesburg’s long-standing team the Lions. After bickering and broken promises following the formation of the Southern Kings franchise four years ago, the Eastern Cape’s rugby dreams have finally been realised with the relegation of the Lions, who were the last-placed SA side in the 2012 Super 15 event.

Controversial ex-Springbok player Luke Watson is back to lead the Kings after a period with the Stormers. Watson says the Kings will rise to the occasion and cement their position in the Super 15. “The Eastern Cape has been starved of the kind of rugby displayed in the Super 15,” he says, “and won’t let this opportunity slip from its grasp.”

Players from far & wide…

If effort and initiative mean anything, Watson could be right. The Kings’ management has signed up almost an entire new lineup for the challenge – from around South Africa and the world. Among them are Argentina’s Tomás Leonardi and Nicolás Vergallo – as well as budding Cape Town fly-half prospect Demetri Catrakilis, whose kicking played such a crucial role in Western Province upsetting the Sharks in last year’s Currie Cup final. At least the Kings’ fate is now in their own hands.

Sy Lerman

To read more about this, check out Jet Club magazine's February/March issue.

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Where does God live?

1/31/2013 12:00:00 AM

Whatever your own beliefs, it may be a good idea to prepare a little and organise your thoughts before chatting to your child about religion.

What’s the right age to discuss religion?

There’s no ‘right’ age to introduce a child to the concept of religion – there are only guidelines about how and when children develop different ways of thinking. A pre-schooler may have more difficulty in understanding abstract concepts (like God being invisible), while at ages seven to 10 children seem better able to connect rituals – like lighting a candle or saying a prayer at mealtimes – with belief.

What about other faiths?

In our multicultural society, sooner or later your child is going to meet children of other faiths, so you need to prepare them for this. Without going into too much detail about world religions – which could be confusing – simply explain that people have different beliefs and that we all respect each other, even if we don’t believe the same things. When they are older they may want to learn more about a friend’s faith – this is natural and shouldn’t be seen by you as threatening to their own faith.

Mystery

Mystery is part of any faith. There are questions that the greatest theologians have been unable to answer, like, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” and, “Why do some people get healed and others don’t?” So it’s fine to admit to children that we don’t have all the answers. It’s far better to be honest and say, “That’s something I don’t understand myself” than to try to repress the natural curiosity of children with a statement like, “We don’t ask questions about that. It must be God’s will.” It’s good to listen to your kids’ opinions too. If you are open to what they think at an early age, it will encourage them to feel free to continue to chat to you about aspects of faith as they grow older.

Children’s ability to embrace the divine should not be underestimated. At a retreat centre in Hermanus, parents of a four-year-old girl were amazed early one morning to find her sitting quietly looking out of the window. When they came closer, she pointed and said, “Shhh. Angels.” Maybe your kids will be able to teach you something?

Anne Hahn

To read more about this, check out Jet Club magazine's February/March issue.

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Are you an impostor… or purposeful?

1/31/2013 12:00:00 AM

Someone once wrote, and I agree, that the greatest tragedy is not death, but living a life without purpose. In other words, not knowing the reason you were born. I think it is really sad that so many people go through life, and die, without ever knowing why they were born.

This is a huge problem in the world today, and it’s caused by purposeless people. The problem with not knowing why you were born is that you are forced to become an impostor – someone who is fake, a fraud; someone who is pretending to be something or someone they are not.

If you’re an impostor:

You don’t really know who you are; you can’t define yourself.
You are a different person at home to the person you are away from home.
You change who you are and the way you behave in order to fit in.
You cheat on your partner.
You don’t know what your assignment is on earth; you don’t know why you exist.
You buy expensive furniture and homeware, that you can’t afford, in order to impress visitors.
You drive a car you can’t afford and/or live in a suburb you can’t afford, and live to impress others.

Don’t do it to impress

Whenever you do something to impress others, you are being an impostor. Drinking alcohol to ‘fit in’ is being an impostor. Dressing in a particular way to make people think you’re ‘cool’ is being an impostor. When what you say and what you do are not the same, you’re an impostor.

The death of trust

The result is the death of trust – between parents, between parents and children, between friends, between countries, between bosses and workers, and between business partners.

I encourage you all to make a conscious effort to find your purpose in life, and then go about living the best life you can – the life you are meant to live!

How can you avoid being an impostor?

Know who you are – a unique individual with a unique identity and purpose, and unique talents.
Know your assignment, or the reason that you were born; what you came to do on earth.
Have a set of values that you live by, that are non-negotiable.
Be an integrated person. Who you are in the dark must be the same as who you are in the light.
Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Live on principles and stop trying to please other people. It’s your life and you are going to account for it someday.
Be authentic, because true success only comes to those who are true to who they are.
Always examine your motives for doing what you do.

Max Moyo

To read more about this, check out Jet Club magazine's February/March issue.

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Laundry know-how

1/31/2013 12:00:00 AM

If you’ve ever discoloured your favourite pants or shrunk your child’s school jersey, read this wash-care guide so that clothing damage becomes a thing of the past!

Whether you wash your family’s clothing by hand or in a machine, it’s important to take care when doing laundry to help your garments look great and last longer.

All in the label

Before sorting your clothes, make sure you read the wash-care label on each garment to check what could damage the fabric. If it says ‘Hand-wash only’ or ‘Do not dry-clean’, it’s best to follow that advice to avoid any damage. Some garments only have symbols on the wash-care labels, which could be hard to figure out.

Avoid colour stains

Whether you’re handwashing or machine washing, the aim is to prevent dark-coloured garments from staining light-coloured ones. In order for each wash cycle to be efficient, you need to sort the clothes by fabrics first, and then by colour. Heavier fabrics such as denim and towels need a longer cycle than delicate fabrics such as chiffon or lycra. Next, separate light colours from dark colours. If you’re a stickler for detail, you could even separate white clothing from light colours.

Hot or not?

A cold wash is usually good enough to clean most garments, but items that are used often, like towels and bed linen, need a hot wash now and then to sanitise the fabric. However, a hot-water wash isn’t always better than a cold-water wash – in some cases; hot water could actually seal in a stain rather than remove it. Always read the garment’s wash-care label.

Save electricity

Your laundry probably consumes the most electricity in your home, so make sure you choose a washing machine that suits your needs. A smaller machine uses less water and therefore, less electricity.

Rather go to the laundromat to clean larger items, or hand-wash them. A hot-water wash uses nearly twice as much energy as a cold wash, so it’s a good idea to stick to warm or cold washes unless a hot wash is absolutely necessary. Dry your clothes outside when the weather allows, and cut down on ironing.